Preparing for Marriage

19/02/2022

The past week I have been reading books about marriage and have come up with so many questions and concerns on preparation for marriage I have pondered on this question on how we prepare for marriage and some of these questions which I think and ponder about were! Have you ever experienced marriage disappointment? Preparing for marriage comes with so many huge expectations from both sides of the two partners. However, there is nothing wrong with holding yourself and others to high standards, but it needs to be tempered with a dose of reality. When you let your expectation become impossible to meet, you set your relationship up for disappointment and frustration. Your partner might feel discouraged how can they possibly measure up? Why even try? You might also have a tendency to see anything less than perfect as a failure when that’s simply the case. We‘re both human, and mistakes will be made. We work on recognizing when being you are too hard on your partner and yourself. Focus on extending empathy, grace, and understanding. Though we cannot be perfect in preparing for marriage there should be total trustworthiness from both sides. A friend of mine got married some years ago and he had this experience which is disappointing and discouraging to him. He met this young lady in the Church just after he return from his mission he dated the lady for about a year and proposed to her both of them plan to get married while they were courting to enter into marriage they were all committed to love, trust, and full with understanding with each other and all this while in their dating and courting,  this woman already has two children which she never makes it known to this man and she hides this from him and when they are about two weeks to their marriage then this woman call the man to inform him that she is about to tell him something and the man should promise her

If he will not terminate the marriage, and the man asks what do you want to say then she said she already has two kids with another man this news from the woman came as a surprise to him and he was filled with disappointment and frustration one to him, but he has no option then to proceed with the marriage. Now, in preparation for marriage, we must be considered some of these things before we put our expectations on a high stand. And if your expectation is too high, they are probably not being met. And sometimes that is going to leave you in a state of discontent that will ultimately have a negative effect on your relationship before the marriage. When you are too focused on all the beautiful things about your partner without also thinking outside the box to consider some things during your marriage preparations because when you are too focused on whether your partner is checking all the boxes of your stringent expectations, you are more likely to criticize, or simply be unhappy and dissatisfied. Another thing we have to also consider when preparing for marriage is an expectation and this is a key something that we have to put away in us when preparing for marriage. Sometimes, we give too much of expectation before marriage which goes with relying too much on your partner to make you happy and many at times, it is true that your partner will fulfill a lot of your needs and contributes greatly to your happiness, they aren’t meant to fulfill them all or be your sole source of joy. And it is unfair to expect them to play that role. Put yourself in that position that a lot of weight to carry, right? Ultimately, you must be able to find a sense of contentedness and satisfaction within yourself. One of the ways to do that is by managing your relationship expectation in a healthy way. And you will not only want to make sure they’re realistic, but you’ll also want to practice clearly communicating them to your partner instead of expecting that they will read your mind.  However, it is not just about expecting too much before the marriage, but I have talked earlier mostly about expectations that are too high, but expectations that are too low can be problematic as well. For example, if disrespect is a problem between you and your partner, it might be good to have a conversation about it before going into the marriage. Or if there is no expectation of effort and investment into maintaining a strong connection and growing as a couple you might experience complacency or fail to live up to your potential as a future couple. Of course, there are situations when the issue goes beyond just having low expectations. If abuse, addiction, mental illness, or other serious issues are present, consider seeking guidance from a trusted professional before going into the marriage.

In a healthy relationship towards marriage, you and your partner both invest energy into meeting others’ needs before marriage, working through issues, and growing together. So, when we are feeling dissatisfied, it’s natural to want to look to the other person for answers. Sometimes they might have them. Other times it’s valuable to do some self-reflection to see how you might be contributing to the problem. You might find you’re able to change your entire perspective of your relationship simply by checking your expectations before marriage.