COURTSHIP IN RELATIONSHIP

12/02/2022

            Male handsomeness and female beauty are good gifts from God. The scripture is unashamed to speak of men who had attractive physical appearance and women who had beautiful faces and get these beautiful bodies. Now, I am regularly asked if it is important for a Christian man or woman to be physically attracted to the person they are dating. As I’ve asked this question in the past, I have found that counsel usually comes in one of two basic answers. One answer is that no physical attraction isn’t important and shouldn’t be part of one’s initial consideration; rather, a person’s godly character should be the primary factor, physical attraction is important and should also be part of the equation.

Unfortunately, while I agree more with the second of the two, neither of the typical answers to this question go deep enough to provide sufficiently biblical counsel. In order to fully answer this question, we must consider physical attraction from both a male and female perspective, while also considering why physical attraction may lacking in either case. Can a man have physical attraction? It seems to go without saying that men are initially drawn to a woman based on whether he finds her physical beauty but that doesn’t negate the fact that physical attraction may be, and often is, the initial cause of interest. And let’s be clear; there is nothing necessarily unspiritual about that.  I have observed situations, however, where godly, well-intentioned, and otherwise wise men have counseled single brothers to not let the lack of physical attraction keep them from pursuing a godly woman. While I respect the effort of these men to uphold a woman's character as the supreme consideration, I believe their counsel to the degree that they merely instructed the young men to go ahead with the relationship without sensing any physical attraction was superficial and ultimately unhelpful.

Rarely does anyone ask the question of why physical attraction is not present in such cases? Yet it is this question that if asked carefully and compassionately, has the power to unearth sin and wrong thinking and serve to nurture physical attraction in the heart. Some years ago, I ask my dad that do he believe I should be physically attracted to my girlfriend? Then he answers me Yes! In fact, I think there should be more men in the church who are attracted to more women than is presently the case! But I believe there are numerous reasons why it is often lacking in men. I ask this question some time ago can men be prideful regarding the kind of women they think they deserve?  Now, if we think highly of ourselves and the kind of women we deserve, then we will be disabled from beholding and appreciating the beauty of the women around us. Pride blinds the eyes and skews the judgment even in the area of romance. When it comes to relationships, proud men will pass by worthy women because they have become convinced, they deserve a certain kind of woman: a particular body shape, hair, color, background, or ethnicity. But when we have a clear view of what we truly deserve an eternity enduring God’s righteous judgment against our sin that simple, godly girl we have known for the past couple of years begins to appear very attractive, almost irresistible. A man should be attracted to the woman he is pursuing, but pride will often keep many a man from appreciating the beauty of the woman already in his midst.

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